Everybody wants to be a player…
But no one seems to want to learn the game…
Seriously, I can’t tell you how many times I hear people say…
“But I don’t want to play games”
Or
“I hate the game, why can’t people just be normal”.
Ok, ready for a shocker, buckwheat.
People ARE BEING NORMAL… the “game” IS normal… quit having unrealistic expectations about this. Just understand that the “game” is going to be played… you’re either IN or OUT… and it’s up to you.
This isn’t like basketball, though, where only the tallest and best physical specimens rule… no my friend… the “true” game is like baseball…
It’s an averages man’s game where the average man… through hard work and perseverance… can beat the (censored) out of the great looking guys every night of the week.
That, my friend, is the hard reality… and that’s phenomenal news…
Look, the “game” isn’t necessarily about male vs female or vice versa. No, the game is about communication between two people. The same types of body language that get you ahead with women are the same types that get you ahead in life… period.
This game that everyone seems to be so afraid of is not that hard of a thing to understand… he who communicates his intentions the most clearly… and gets the other person to feel comfortable with those intentions… wins every time.
These are LIFE SKILLS… they aren’t seduction skills.
You need to understand this.
People that begin to get this part of their life handled naturally start to become more successful at everything that they do… which of course… generally helps out in the love department.
Remember, when you are learning any of this material… all you are really doing is figuring out how to give the other person EXACTLY what they want…
That’s it.
People aren’t going to do what they don’t want to do… even drunk men and women do what they want ultimately… (as long as you aren’t “forcing” it, ya know).
So, with all of this being said… put your negative feelings on some of this aside and come into the light, my friend. People will be much happier being around you when you truly start to “get it”. It’s a weird feeling at first…
But it’s such a POWERFUL FEELING.
And coming from a position of power is the only way to go…
Look, I’m gonna make recommendations for you… follow them.
If I think you should go buy something… take a stab in the dark and go buy it…
Remember, successful people invest more in THEMSELVES than most people think… or would even believe.
So, come back daily… I’ll get at least one post up each day during the week on either a lesson, or an experience, or just something flat out funny that I thought of that just might give you an “A HA!” moment the next time that you’re out.

Spanks-Donnie

“If you love somebody, let them go.
If they return, they were always yours.
If they don’t, they never were.”

Carly Pimpshaw
OverMyEx.com Expert

Start living your OWN LIFE!

Notorious Jen
OverMyEx.com Expert

If you’ve recently suffered the sting of betrayal, you probably feel like your life is spinning out of control right now. Between your mind filling with madness and your emotions flipping from outrage to sadness, it’s natural to keep asking, “How could this happen to me?”

You may also be beating yourself up, wondering how a smart, savvy, somewhat idiot-proof individual like you could have gotten so blindsided by someone you trusted and loved. Between the tears, humiliation, and confusion, you may wonder how you’ll ever survive. What follows are five crucial steps to successfully move forward and beat the bite of betrayal. When implemented, you will rise above the pain, and ultimately achieve peace of mind and forgiveness.

Step #1: Practice Forgiveness

If your partner’s betrayal has you trapped in a prison of pain, blame, and resentment, it’s time to forgive yourself so that you can be free from the pain, confusion and anger. Yes, your life has been turned upside down, and yes, betrayal is unconscionably bad behavior. But until you can forgive yourself and at least consider forgiving your partner, your heart, soul, and body will become a toxic receptacle, holding onto all negativity like a sponge. Do yourself a favor, spare yourself months of self-loathing and blame by instead giving yourself the gift of forgiveness. Bear in mind forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. You are not letting the other person off the hook for hurting you, but you are lessening the grip betrayal has over you and allowing greater focus on the many positive points in your life that can help you move forward. Ultimately, practicing forgiveness is the pathway to healing.

Step #2: Self-Worth vs. Blame

Instead of blaming yourself for your partners’ betrayal, appreciate your worth, know you are enough just as you are, and recognize the infidelity or other betrayal had nothing to do with you. On the flip side, if you’re stuck in a cycle of intense anger and blame towards your partner, you need to decide if you can start to let go and rebuild your relationship, or if it’s time to walk away and move on. To help you decide whether to stay or go, you first need to understand the origins of betrayal. Most people who cheat and/or betray in some other way suffer from low self-esteem. They also have a high need for acceptance and approval. If your partner fits this description, you need to decide if you can deal and heal or give your partner the heave ho in order to recover. Either way, it’s essential to stop taking the betrayal personally. Instead, free yourself from the blame game, live in the present, and move forward with productive, positive thoughts. Bask in the knowing that you are not to blame.

Step # 3: Permission to Heal

Instead of punishing yourself and hanging on to the “story” of your betrayal, give yourself permission to heal, starting right this minute. Sound impossible? It’s not. Start by turning down those obsessive thoughts about the past and what can’t be erased. Next, practice self-love, reminding yourself that you are a loving and caring individual who didn’t deserve to be betrayed. Next, start thinking about what you can learn from this agonizing experience. What lessons can you now apply to create a rock solid relationship in the future? Will you listen to your gut, question red flags, and pay attention to warning signs along the way? Will you love yourself enough to only allow in that happy, healthy, and loving relationship you deserve? If betrayal is part of your journey (and like it or not, it is), what enlightening insights can help you heal in the months to come (and hopefully avoid any future betrayals)?

Step #4: Rebuild Trust

While it’s easy to fall into the betrayal trap of massive mistrust towards your partner moving forward, be aware that projecting your fears will not help you heal. If you plan to stay with your partner, you’ll need to focus on rebuilding trust. If you can’t forgive, then don’t waste time staying in the relationship and trying to make your partner pay for their past transgressions. Instead, give yourself the opportunity to pick up the pieces and start again. Start by learning to trust yourself and your life choices. Instead of focusing on your ex and the betrayal (not to mention past relationship disappointments that may be adding up to a mistrust in yourself right about now), think about all the amazing people in your life who you can trust, including yourself. Make a list of ten fantastic choices and decisions you’ve made in the last few years. Reflect on the people who have kept your confidences, honored their word, and stuck by your side. Soon, you’ll be slaying the beast of betrayal and going from victim to victor. Plus, by slowly and steadily rebuilding trust with your partner (or simply with yourself if you leave the relationship), you’re better able to let go of fear, doubt, and insecurity.

Step #5: Don’t Punish Future Partners

Another travesty of betrayal may not present itself until your next relationship. Still, now’s the time to ask yourself if you plan on punishing future partners for your ex’s sins, or if you’ll be strong enough to give them the trust they deserve. For example, if a future date says or does something that triggers a memory of betrayal, instead of treating them unfairly, accusing them of lying, and then pulling away without explanation, why not calmly and courageously express your fears and concerns? If you cop to your insecurities and give your date a chance to hear you out, you’ll maximize your chances of building an open, honest, and successful relationship.

Truth be told, every relationship has its rough patches, but if you proceed with clarity, you’re guaranteed a smoother ride. After a betrayal, it’s all too easy to fall into a funk of doubt, anger, and uncertainty about the future. By working the five steps above, you’re more likely to beat those betrayal blues, and ultimately build a more stable and satisfying future. When in doubt, stay focused, practice patience, and persevere!

Muah! Tara

Hi sexy! Can I help heal you???

I would so treat you rightt!!!!!!!!!!

-Eddie Lover

I think Tara would prefer me mister lover!

-Spencer “The Charmer”

Though dogs have been labeled man’s best friend, when it comes down to it, Fido is probably more the type of buddy you’d seek out for a game of catch, not love advice. According to Harrison Forbes, professional dog trainer and author of Heart of a Dog: What Challenging Dogs Have Taught Me About Love, Trust and Second Chances, however, you might want to reconsider the notion that your canine knows nothing about matters of the heart. “Dogs do the types of things we should do more often, and the things they don’t get involved in — well, we should really skip them, too, if we’re looking for love,” he asserts. Puzzled by the notion that you may actually be able to get some romance pointers from your Pointer? Read on for five love lessons you can learn from dogs.

1. The reassurance of forgiveness
In order to have a successful partnership, letting bygones be bygones is crucial. An inability to get over issues and move ahead is a key roadblock to happiness. Dogs, Forbes notes, are always in the moment and therefore don’t hold grudges or hang onto resentment. “Dogs wipe the slate clean many times a day,” he explains. “If you are grumpy and yell at your dog, but then wait a minute and act like you never did, he will forgive you — many times over. If humans could let the little things go as easily as dogs do, their relationships would be better for it.”

2. The security of unconditional love
Forbes says that as a rule, when a dog loves his owner, that bond is lasting and real. “It’s interesting to note that celebrities are over-the-top pet lovers,” he says. “This is because their dogs really love them for who they are, not their A-list status; a dog will always treat you the same. Dogs offer truly substantive relationships in a way most people don’t,” he notes. When it comes to romantic relationships, humans should strive to emulate a dog’s focus on what a person really offers in terms of love, kindness and warmth, he advises.

3. The comfort of consistency
In a romantic relationship, consistency can be quite comforting. What’s not to love about a partner who is never moody or capricious? “We as humans understand there are different types of behavior, yet we crave consistency,” Forbes says. “With dogs, regardless of your animal’s personality, you pretty much get the same behavior unless he’s ill. A lot of people take comfort in that aspect of pet ownership, so you can only imagine how much similar behavior could add to a romantic relationship.”

4. The need to be playful
Forbes notes that most dogs want to have a good time, keeping things light and not so serious all of the time. “The easiest way to burn out a working dog is to work him all the time — that pretty much goes for relationships as well,” he says. In police-dog training, Forbes explains, training is balanced with play and fun. “The harder you go at it in a training phase, the more you have to counterbalance it,” he says. “It’s the same with a relationship — you have to relieve the pressure through play and good times.”

5. The importance of effective communication
While communicating with your partner is important in a relationship, it’s not merely the act of communicating that will ensure your relationship’s success, but finding the way to do so that best matches your partner’s needs. This is a skill that you can easily learn from working with dogs, Forbes says. “The different ways in which I communicate with my three dogs are suited to what works best for them … and for me with them,” he explains. You have to be willing to experiment and find the best way to communicate with dogs, and the same goes for your romantic interests, he says: “Just as a hot-tempered dog won’t respond to yelling and lots of commands, neither will a hot-tempered person. At the same time, some more sensitive types may need a gentler approach. Essentially, no one person or dog communicates the same way — each individual has a unique style, and taking the time to learn about your partner’s needs is the key to a strong bond.”

Woof Woof….Emily

I wrote I want a kiss just for you doll-face!

-Taylor

Ah yes, the sweet season of spring. It’s a time of crisp mornings, the scent of daffodils, buds on dogwood trees … and hordes of college kids cramming into cheap motel rooms and gulping cups of alcohol in bathing suits with wild abandon. But spring break is not just a memorable event for the collegiate crew; it’s also an experience that can provide dating lessons for years to come.

Harkening back to a time in your life when you were focused on fun and quoting “Carpe Diem” can actually help your state of mind as you search for love. So get ready to stop and smell the surf (and a little stale beer), and consider some dating lessons that the season’s favorite break can teach us all.

Lesson #1: It’s OK to date more than one person.
There was a time when a date was just a date. One night it was Mona; the next night, Claire, and things weren’t considered serious until someone suggested going “steady.” Now, we’re in the era of the one-cocktail commitment, where dating more than one person is looked down upon. Except on spring break, that is, when you kiss two people in one night while texting a third to meet you at the Tiki bar. But the truth is, those college kids are onto something: If your dating goal is a lifetime relationship or marriage, then you’ll have plenty of time for monogamous commitment. Maybe even decades of time.

So use your single days like the spring-breakers do — to get to know a few people at the same time, while you figure out which person you like best. As long as you’re truly honest about your actions and intentions with everyone you date, you’ll avoid the one break you don’t want: the heart one.

Lesson #2: Don’t drink more than your date.
Yes, alcohol can sometimes feel like a nice social lubricant. But before you dose yourself on your next date, take this spring-break lesson with you: It’s all fun and games until you make a fool of yourself giving a stranger a lap dance on a public stage and then losing your cookies on someone’s bare feet. If you and your date want to tie one on for kicks, go right ahead. Just be sure to do it together, perhaps even in private, lest you get so drunk, you end up in an embarrassing anecdote in a story about bad dates … which is exactly what happened to a guy who went on a date with my friend Jamie. “We went for Japanese food, and he suggested we order some sake,” said Jamie. “I said I was good for a glass, but he wanted to get the whole large bottle. When I told him I wouldn’t be able to drink that much, he said, ‘That’s OK, I will.’ And he did.” Jamie said his drunken behavior was less than attractive, and she couldn’t wait to get home.

Lesson #3: Head to where there are more fish in the sea.
What’s one reason all the young things on spring break always seem to find someone? Because there are just so many someones to go around! Give yourself a similar leg up. Instead of hitting the same old local bar full of the same old faces, try traveling a bit out of your comfort zone (and maybe your town), and hit spots where you might meet some new people.

It’s basic math: The more people there are — tall, short, American, foreign, funny, round, skinny, intellectual, goofy — the more likely you’ll be to meet a potential match. So this weekend, search for your fish in a few new places. Try a big karaoke bar, a darts tournament at a new pub, a demonstration at the Mac store. Or, of course, search online for love, which is just swimming with singles who want exactly the same thing you do: a great date.

Lesson #4: Order the special on the menu.
One of the best things about short-term, pleasure-seeking trips is that you live every minute like it’s your last. If you’re on spring break, you see it as a fleeting moment of youth that must be lived to the fullest: You order the special drinks with umbrellas in them, you dance on the beach in your bikini —and you probably take advantage of plenty of other opportunities you might regret the next day. Still, you feel like you’re really living. But the fact is, whether you’re 20 or 45, you still only live once. So why not make every date special and memorable? On your next date, think spring, and try something daring. Hit the rock-climbing wall at the gym, or order the rosemary cocktail and the sliced beef cooked on the rock. It might be terrible … but it will be memorable. And that’s what living is all about.

Lesson #5: Make out with someone you’ll never see again.
There’s one thing partying kids have mastered — the no-strings-attached hookup — that might also be good for you. Why? Because sometimes it’s healthy to hook up without thinking about tomorrow for just a minute. That doesn’t mean you have to have sex with someone — even consider some sexy kissing in a restaurant parking lot. You may learn a few things about yourself in the process, says Ava Cadell, love coach and author of 12 Steps to Everlasting Love. “Sometimes it’s easier to be less inhibited with a stranger than someone you know,” says Cadell.

It can also give your self-confidence a good boost by reminding you that you are one good-lookin’ person whom plenty of people would be lucky to date. It also provides your brain a nice break from plotting your future together in the first five minutes of meeting. That’s true refreshment.

Lesson #6: Go out for guys’ or girls’ nights out just to have fun together — not to hook up with the opposite sex.
For some reason, those big girls’ and guys’ nights out often turn into “lonely group sitting in a bar scanning room for potential hookups instead of having fun together.” Spring break, on the other hand, is first and foremost, about feeling free and having a blast together — and if that involves licking whipped cream off a stranger’s shoulder for laughs, so be it! Mature adults should consider this same approach (well … to a point). So instead of going out with the goal of meeting The One or someone, aim to have a great time with your friends above all else. And what happens from there may surprise you.

Lesson #7: Sunny weather and bathing suits definitely put people in the mood.
If you’re looking to amp up the closeness with someone you’re seeing (or if the dating you’re doing is more like a “date night” with a long-term partner), take a page from kids on spring break: Consider a weekend away in a place that feels like paradise. (Just don’t schedule it for the same time the college kids are hitting the same paradise.) “The sun releases more feel-good hormones that flood the brain,” says Cadell. And the better you feel, the more fun you’ll have and the better your date will go.

Lesson #8: Look on the bright side of your date.
On a spring break trip, the goal is to have fun with the people you meet, plain and simple. But in the adult world, dating becomes more like a grocery trip: You pull out your list, push your wonky cart up and down every aisle, and scan the goods. “Do you like spicy food? Good. Been married before? Oh. Have goals for the future? Glad to hear it. Like to travel? Oh, that’s a shame …” Instead of taking your next date so seriously, toss away your stuffy list, and look for the best things about your date. Find out what you do have in common and what you do like about him or her. And as you part ways on the doorstep, don’t analyze how you feel about your date too soon. Instead, maybe you want to do what the spring-breakers would do: Go on and kiss ‘em! Sometimes that makes all the difference.

kisses-Kat

I am having serious issues with my ex. He broke up with me three or four weeks ago for reasons that don’t add up, and his behavior since then is making me question everything.

The Monday after we broke up he took me out to dinner because he “wanted to see me.” He held my hand and when I asked why he ended things, he said he just wasn’t “into it” any more, that he just didn’t feel it was right. He also said he still loves and misses me. I got mad and left.

When I run into him at bars, he hugs me and rubs my back and acts like we never broke up. I told him we should hang out and he agreed; we ended up kissing and things got weird. I asked what was going on and he replied, “I don’t know.” I asked if he wanted me back and he said that he still misses me and loves me, but he couldn’t take me back right now — maybe in the future, but he doesn’t know. He said that he didn’t want the relationship when it started but his feelings changed. He also said that if he had stayed with me longer he would have had to make a bigger commitment and he wasn’t ready for that. Apparently the times he misses me and thinks he made a mistake don’t outweigh his belief that he made the right choice.

What does this all mean? He is giving me mixed signals and I can’t figure out why we broke up or if we’re going to get back together. I am so confused.
— Rubbed The Wrong Way

xoxox-Frances

Seriously, I’ve noticed a very common trend in the people I’ve been dating. I’m not sure if this is what the kids are doing these days or what, either way….below denotes the tackiest dating no-no’s. This is a surefire way to make me not want to see you again:

1]  On a first date, they have this need to spew about past relationships. I’ve noticed this as of late. To be honest, I could give a shit about who is in your past. If we’re dating and in the early stages, I want to get to know YOU…not every intimate detail about your past lovers, loves, relationships, etc.  I don’t care who your ex’s are and what they’re doing now, and how your last relationship ended. Did I say I didn’t care? I don’t care. There, I said it.

2] I could  also care less about who still has feelings for you. Like, really? Why is that remotely apropriate to bring up.  The person last night: Oh this girl I dated last year is so in love with me, she showed up at my house three days ago and tried to fuck me. Ok. Shit like that I can live without knowing.  And it aslo makes me not want to see you again because the last thing I want is a person that has a string of issues (issues meaning a grip of bitches still at home writing love songs and pining over you). Bitches you haven’t talked to in over a year, and then showing up randomly at your house? Yeah. You have issues…not to mention more baggage than LAX.   On a side note:  fucking get OVER yourself. That is something you confide in with a close friend, NOT a girl you’re trying to date.  Next.

3] Finally, I really don’t need to know about whomever else it is that you’re dating while you’re dating me.  We’re all single, and we could all assume we’re all seeing other people…Why is it necessary to bring that up? Hell, I’m a bit of a serial dater, and I date a few people at a time at the same time, but I wouldnt tell the person I’m spending time with at that moment…because…? Is it just me, or  is it extremely rude to say, “Oh so I have a date on Tuesday that I’m excited about.” Am I not sitting here in the midst of  dinner with you? I’m not bothered by the fact that my date is dating other people, what bugs me is that people are so fucking tacky its insane.  Check please.

Bottom line: There’s a thing called couth.  Politeness is a virtue, and use of any combination of the above points will not grant you with a call back from me.  I don’t care if you’re trying to validate yourself out loud by making it seem like people want you.  That might work for stupid girls, but you can’t run that on me.  I end up not respecting you.  And then it causes me to write blogs like this in the form of a PSA because people these days really know how verbally turn me off.

Rant over….over and fuckin’ over!

kiss/kiss Dustin

The other day my friend confided in me: She was not into a guy who was pursuing her because he was too nice. I was surprised when I heard my own advice to her:

You aren’t ready for a nice guy yet. You need to get all the jerks out of your system.

After a couple months of dating the guy who turned out to be a jerk, things were going well for her. They had made it through the initial stages of everything — they were dating and comfortable. Around this time, he went on vacation with his friends in Florida.

After his vacation, she showed me two pictures on his Facebook page. In one, he was being straddled by some blonde girl. In the other he was kissing the same blonde girl in a bar against a wall. Under each picture the blonde girl had posted annoying comments about how cute the two of them were together. Why this guy didn’t think my friend would see the pictures on Facebook, I’ll never know. Maybe he didn’t care?

My friend didn’t know what to do. After some conferencing, we decided that she should confront him. It’s hard to admit that you may have been snooping someone’s Facebook page, but snooping a page that you are authorized to see is much less of an offense than cheating.

The next time she was out with the guy, my friend confronted him: “Do I have anything to worry about? Is there anyone else?”

He looked her straight in the eye: “You have nothing to worry about. There’s nothing going on.?”

Of course you know how this story ends. Turns out the guy was cheating on her — and had lied to her face when she asked. My friend finally found another picture of the blonde girl and the guy with his tongue down her throat on his Facebook page. Rational thought dictates that once you have been cheated on, or treated badly, you will not want to be around the person that commits the offense. But my friend just can’t get him out of her head.

Eventually, she ran into a really nice guy. He was texting and emailing and calling and asked her out every time he contacted her. She said he was good-looking, nice and hilarious. They went out a few times, but all the while she was thinking about Facebook Guy. Try as she might, she couldn’t feel a spark with the new nice guy.

Jerky guys seem to have some kind of sixth sense. They know how to disappear and re-appear at just the right time. They know when a girl is just about to give up on them, so they send an email or a text. They know how to be vague, give false hope, and keep a girl’s interest perfectly. Unlike the kid in The Sixth Sense, they don’t see dead people. They would say instead, “I see vulnerable people.”?

Facebook Guy would disappear and then hit my friend with an email barrage just as she had given up on him. “How does he know what I’m thinking? How does he know just when to show back up and just what to say?” she’d ask me incredulously.

A couple of times when she was out on dates with the new guy, Facebook Guy would text her — seemingly only when she was out on a date. It was uncanny how he knew how to time his contact. She gave the new guy a chance — he spent the night once — and Facebook’s calls and text messages intensified. She immediately regretted giving Mr. Nice Guy any chance at all.

Eventually, she let the new guy fizzle out, but she still thinks about Facebook Guy. As a matter of fact, the other day she told me: “He just has power over me. I can’t let him know it, but he does.”?

If a girl ever cheated on me, I wouldn’t think twice — I’d be out of there. Or so I’d like to think …

Jenny